It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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