I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
