Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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