I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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