I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
