Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
