I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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