yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
