i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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