I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
