i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
