I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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