Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
