i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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