so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
