I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Your penis caused this!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
