Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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