this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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