they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
