dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
