Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
