Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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