no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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