dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
