She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
