i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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