i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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