how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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