He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
