She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia