Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy