Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.