Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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