theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he just fucked me for my cheese..