So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
