I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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