so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
