I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
