What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
