I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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