Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
