Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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