Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(559): View more from California

today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star

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(240): View more from Maryland

and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.

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(616): View more from Michigan

We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...

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(315): View more from New York

Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.

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(708): View more from Illinois

Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.

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