he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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