No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
