Acid is not a monday night drug
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
