when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
