My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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