at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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