she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
