if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
