Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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