if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
