listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
