she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
