WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
