Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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