You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
