I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
