How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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