i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize