I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
