Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
