3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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