i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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