when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
