I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew my weed a kiss
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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