I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
