4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
