i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
