I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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