I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We had to coat check the pizza.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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