you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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