Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
