Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
