Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
