Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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