just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
