Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
A bitchslap is in order.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
