Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
