If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
