also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
