I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
